Since I was 13, I've never particularly liked my body. I always thought my thighs were too big, my stomach too curvy, and my shoulders too broad. But there was a point in my life where I couldn't take anymore of the constant criticism I was giving myself. I constantly compared myself to those stick-thin, runway models and celebrities on the cover of magazines. I'd be in the Walmart checkout and suddenly hate myself, when I saw how good they always looked. I went from extreme to extreme, from starving myself on vegetables to binging on junk food; only to punish myself later by fasting. It was an incredibly unhealthy cycle that left me feeling exhausted, miserable, and depressed. I always felt like no matter what I did or ate, I'd never be able to live up to their standards or be as good as them. I worked out every day, because I had a nagging fear in my my mind all the time, that I'd get super fat if I didn't. I NEVEr indulged in cheat food, not even the occasional ice cream or pizza.
Then I discovered the beautiful Lea Michele. The message she spoke was so different from what I'd been feeding myself for so long. She told me I was beautiful the way I was and that I should focus on being strong and healthy, not skinny. She also told me that looking like everyone else was the worst thing I could do to myself- what a shocker! I looked at her and realized she was the first person who hadn't made me feel intimidated. She looked and acted like a normal person. She ate insanely healthy and worked out; but was strong, fit, and toned with curves.
If it wasn't for her, I'm certain that narrow road of self-hatred would have led me even more astray. Because of that season in my life, I have loads of compassion for people who have struggled with body image issues and unhealthy food thoughts. I understand that every one of us encounters things like that in our life at some point. But we are all beautiful and amazing in our own way and we should try to be the best we can; by striving to be strong and healthy, not changing ourselves to fit a certain mold.
I can honestly say that I'm in my best shape of my life right now and not because I look perfect by any means. I have imperfections but I embrace them as part of who I am. I look forward to working out, because it makes me feel good and happy, and ready for my day. It lifts my spirits when I'm done and helps me be able to look in the mirror and love how strong and fit I feel and look. I eat what I want, when I want, which 90% of the time is healthy, nourishing food. But I'm certainly not above a cheat day once or twice a week. I love pizza and ice cream and all of the so called"naughty" food as much as I enjoy salad and lentil soup. I listen to my body when it tells me what I need or when I've had too much of something. I don't go by any set of rules or regulations regarding my food/fitness style.
It's all based on loving myself by feeding my body the best food and pushing it to my stronger and fitter.
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